whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
