shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
