I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
