did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
