I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
