he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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