I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's great music for shaving your balls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
