I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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