She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
