is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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