I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
