We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
