There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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