is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
