Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
