A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Swine flu is the new snow day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
