I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
