I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
