How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
