i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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