community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
