Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
