so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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