i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
