clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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