my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
