There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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