my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
