I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
