soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
