Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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