Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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