I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
