I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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