people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
