My hair reeks of homosexuality.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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