I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
