Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
