Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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