He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
