Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
