And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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