I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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