I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
