Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
