You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How's work?
Spinning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
