then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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