Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
