was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
