You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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