I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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