Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
