so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sext me about skeletons
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
