Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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