I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
