there's paper in my vomit.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
