i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I sprained my soul last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
