Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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