you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
