Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
