so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
