so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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