brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
