i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
