Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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