I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
