What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
