my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
