just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
