hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
