Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
