I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
