i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
