Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
