Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
